How to write better instructions in four easy steps

My fiance (yes, the Grammaniac is engaged! Yay!) received a tire pressure gauge for Christmas, and I’m pretty sure it came with the world’s worst set of instructions. Not only have I decided to make fun of them, but I’ll also use them as an example of how to write instructions that make at least a fraction of a bit of sense.

Step one:
Ensure proper noun-verb agreement : …when tires are cold.

Step two:
Choose the correct word to represent the idea you are trying to convey: Remove cap on tire valve.

Step three:
Do not make up words: set screw is two words, not one.

Step four:
This is a set of instructions, not a word scramble game: small.

For the lazier type, you could even skip these four steps and proceed straight to step five: hire a damn proofreader.

It’s not a beer shortage your fridge is afraid of

It’s bad grammar! My “out of beer,” whatever that is, wants me to stop at this smoke shop, and apparently this is scaring my fridge. Well, that’s enough to confuse my brain for the rest of the year.

This is what happens when you keep TOO MUCH beer in your fridge.

Strike SEVEN for Dirty Harry’s

I have a fantasy that involves purchasing a cheap pocket dictionary, wrapping it, and sending it to the owner of Dirty Harry’s as a Christmas gift. I’m not joking. One grammar error is forgivable, two grammar errors is embarrassing, and three grammar errors is a disgrace…but SEVEN? Seven is downright inexcusable. Seeing as it’s the holiday season (not hoilday, as Dirty Harry’s would say), I’ll find it in my heart to let them all slide. But Dirty Harry’s might want to make a New Year’s resolution and learn to proofread their freakin’ signs!

Sponsor a proofreader today. Immediately.

Orchard Animal Hospital spends so much time ridding animals of their reproductive organs that they haven’t rid their sign of spelling errors. The -or versus -er war has claimed another victim, as this veterinary office chose the wrong one for sponsor.

Looking for Can’t Spell Road? Just follow this map.

Cafe Rio recently opened in Boise and they put an ad in a local paper with a convenient little map that shows where they’re located. They share a parking lot with Cabela’s, the outfitter giant, but someone forgot to check the spelling of the famous name.