Last week, I began composing a text message to my best friend to wish her a happy Thanksgiving. The predictive text feature on my phone has always been pretty useless. For instance: if I type the word “boo,” it suggests I might be trying to type “hop,” and if I type “finish,” my phone thinks I meant to type “Fijan.” But I have to say, my Thanksgiving text really takes the cake.
When I say “thanks,” my phone says “grammar.” I totally see the resemblance.
Before you leave my blog and resume your Facebooking or Pinteresting or watching videos of really weird Japanese banana commercials or whatever it is you do on the Internet, please check out my new blog, Lady Potpourri. It’s brand new and can only be described as a collection of random, smartass thoughts that I jot down when I’m brave enough to let my mind wander.
Fear not, fellow grammar snobs: I have not been sucked into a black hole. The bittersweet explanation of my absence these past few weeks is simply that I have not seen any grammar errors floating about. This is good news for the fate of the English language, but bad news for a woman whose blog depends on poor language skills.
Last night as I was perusing the TV listings, I found this:
Annnnnnd we’re back!
You might be wondering, What does the Grammaniac even do when she doesn’t have any grammar to criticize? First, I finally self-published my Christmas children’s book. Believe it or not, I actually have a soft spot for children and fun, imaginative stories. I know: mind blown, right?
In tonight’s post, I’m going to stray–ever so slightly–from the subject of grammar. I will, however, keep the topic within the realm of the English language. I invite you to join me as I laugh mercilessly at an advertisement for a vest.
In high school, I studied French for three years. I’m all too familiar with the frustration of translation; therefore, I understand that imperfect translations are bound to happen:
Chinese to English: could be worse…
But there’s a big difference between an imperfect translation and downright gibberish. (Click to enlarge.)
Korean to English: ouch, my brain!
Wait, I’m not finished laughing.
Because I have firsthand experience with trying to speak a language I hardly know, I can’t justify criticizing this awful translation. However, that doesn’t mean I won’t laugh my ass off every time I read it.
I paid a visit to the Planet Fitness website so I could transfer my membership, and I found this little error hiding out in one of the menus:
“Select” can be a verb or an adjective. You can “select” a slice of cheesecake from a dessert tray. You can throw a party for a “select” group of friends. But I’m here to tell you that you can’t choose a “select” from a menu.
Almost all of the posts on this blog are of misspellings and typos, but that doesn’t mean I don’t ever find more complex grammatical errors. Exhibit A: the sticker on the back of a bottle of Wet N Wild eye makeup remover:
The instructions for application indicate you should wipe a moistened cotton ball over your eyelids until “all traces of eye make-up has been removed.” Ahem. This statement appears to be absent of subject-verb agreement…
Since all tracesof eye make-up is a plural subject, the sentence should read, “Moisten cotton ball and sweep over closed eyelids until all traces of eye make-up have been removed.” This is basic grammar we’re supposed to learn in elementary school!
There’s a lesson in this post, kids: if you don’t pay attention in school, the grammar police WILL find you and make fun of you.