Stupidity: there’s an app for that

I’d like to express my deepest sympathies to anyone currently suffering from a stomach bug.  It’s day #4 for me and I’m ready to start trading the less favorable parts of my soul for a few nausea-free minutes.

As I was pouting in front of the television this morning, I decided to see what grammar apps were available for my phone.

Disclaimer:  Please leave now if, after reading that last sentence, you did any of the following:  a) rolled your eyes, b) called me a nerd, or c) judged me for pouting in front of the television.

The first app in the search results was called “Practice English Grammar – 1.”  I expanded the description of the app and I was horrified at what I saw:

ARE YOU [BLEEP]ING KIDDING ME?

Nowns are covered in this app?  Nowns?  And what the hell does “Question with question words” mean?

So, here is the complete list of topics covered:

Did you notice that “spelling” is not a topic covered?  Good thing–I’d hate for the makers of this app to look like complete morons.

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You can fix cars, but can you fix your sign?

I hope the mechanics at Garry’s Automotive are more careful with their customers’ cars than they are with their spelling.

Speaking of replacements…

Here’s a box that could use a replacement label. You know, a label with correct spelling.

P.S. Don’t forget to submit your grammar lolcats for the next “Grammar Cats” video! Only four days left! Click here for details.

For this, I deserve a free pizza

I found this Domino’s coupon in the newspaper last week. It contains not one, not two, but (drumroll, please) THREE errors!

Let’s break this down, shall we? Domino’s should contain an apostrophe. Pizzas must be borrowing said missing apostrophe, since it shouldn’t have one. And lastly, I don’t know what a viggie is, but it sounds like the dimwitted cousin of a veggie.

I’d like my free pizza now, please.

D is for dummy

Not every word with a “d” sound actually contains the letter D. Some people just…can’t…grasp the idea. Take this sign on a mini refrigerator, for example:

Note that “refrigerator” on the sign on top of the box is spelled correctly. Come on, get your poop in a group!

Spelling mistake fresh from the oven

Walmart advertises being able to top Winco’s price on Freschetta pizzas. Too bad they can’t spell the brand correctly…

Short Sale

Short on letters, that is! A friend was kind enough to send this picture to me.

Fifty of what? Oh, you meant OFF. Oh, you meant 50 PERCENT off. Now I think we're on the same page.

Crazy, stupid proofreading

The Majestic Cinemas in Meridian, Idaho, offers movie-goers a brochure called Guide to the Movies. Although a more appropriate title would be Lots of Ads and a Few Movie Synopses, these brochures provide brief descriptions of upcoming movies.

Last week, as I awaited the start of Larry Crowne, I took a peek inside one of the brochures and found this little guy:

I prefer to avoid the use of mainstream pet names.

I scream, you scream

What grammar snob doesn’t scream at the sight of a misspelled word, such as “sandwich”?

I should just “mellow” out about these spelling errors, but…

Damn you all, phonetic spellers!

Not pictured: the bin below the sign, filled to the brim with bags of clearly labeled Jet Puff marshmAllows.